Brought to You By the Letters E and K

So I was over at 2LD a long ass time ago, but sometimes I’m lazy and most times Josh is very busy the other day. She had a meme going on with letters, and I thought “Well. I’m just going to have to get in on that.” It involves having a letter picked out for you, and then fulfilling the task of listing about 10 items you love that start with that letter. Foregoing the general instruction of asking her for a randomly assigned letter, I pretty much planted my flag in the letter E and asked her to instead assign one to Josh. It’s mad fun times when Josh and I co-write, but he’s usually so busy with work, legal matters, and other things necessary to get our asses together. So when I’m craving some blog-world man-attention, I find memes are a good fun way to have some kicks without actually having to, you  know, think of our own ideas 😛

She assigned him a K, which I feel is nicely paired with the E so clearly designed for yours truly. Let’s see what the results are!

Emerald says: Firstly, how much do I love that both of our letters could also be in reference to drug usage?

Josh says:
Hey now, don’t give away any hints as to what I’m putting on my list dammit!

Ha, okay, I’ll be quiet. Although I wouldn’t think anything like that would be surprising coming from you.

So uh, you want to start off this list of awesome crap starting with E and K or should I?

You can go first.

K is for Ketamine, which get’s cats high, and sometimes people in the suburbs too.

Haha, suburbs. Your suburbs are nothing like ours. Our suburbs suck. You have to drive around looking for kids hanging out near parks instead of just going up the street like sensible adults. In that theme, I will say Ecstasy. The drug itself can be either awesome or rat poison, depending on the mood of whoever cooked it up in their bathtub. Or I could get all emo and romantic, but who would I be kidding?

K is for Knights, because they wear armor and chop people apart for a living. Not to mention the fact that they kill dragons, which are universally accepted as the most badass monsters ever to walk the face of the planet, and as a reward they bang damsels all over the countryside. Knights rule.


There are also many modern day knights who are pretty cool. Anthony Hopkins is a knight. E is for Emerald, cause firstly I rule, knighted or not. And they make pretty good jewels too, I guess.

He’s not shit compared to Lemmy from Motorhead, he should really be a knight. Or Jason Statham. So uh, what else starts with a K?  This is going to be hard, I suppose we should have put some thought into our lists instead of winging it like we always do.

 K is for Killers, who kill people to death. Because without killers there would be no horror movies, and without horror movies where would I get my gratuitous gore and nudity?

That is a very good and also philosophical point. How would we recognize or enjoy what is good, or even know what it really is if there were no bad with which to contrast it? We need crazies and psychopaths. Just, you know, on someone else’s block.

E = mc2, because I don’t have a ‘squared’ button, and also knowledge is cool. I’m also more of a fan of the scientific mathematical explanation of things. At least in terms of the universe and energy, and all that jazz.

What? That wasn’t my point at all, I was giving a big old salute to all those badass killers out there, mainly so I wouldn’t plagiarise Maddox from his alphabet of manliness when he said K was for kicking ass. (damn you maddox!)

Oh. Reference fail.

It wasn’t a reference, but I wasn’t what was good by pointing out the bad or whatever you said, i was actually hailing the bad.

*Josh and Em both take a moment to agree that Josh totally failed on that last sentence, and then continue onwards*

You should read my A – Z encyclopedia of serial killers.

Alrighty, K is for Krusty, cause I know how much you would felate the Simpsons if they were real.

Dude, you have no idea how much I was already thinking that. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and say E is for “Exxxxcellent” in all it’s many forms.

Right on, Well K is for Karate and Kung-Fu, the holy mediums which introduced the western world to martial arts through cheesy ass movies like the Flying Guillotine.

I love that we’re going to watch Kung-Fu movies in bed.

And act out Kung Fu movies in bed, did I mention that?

You did. My general priciple is “don’t leave any marks I can’t cover up or explain easily the next day.”

None of our moans wil synch up with out mouths.

Haha, that too! E is for encyclopedia, because I’m a nerd who will read through an encyclopedia or dictionary for kicks. Also because my encyclopedia, as mentioned, is exclusively about crime and serial killers.

That helps I’m sure. K is for Kalashnikov’s automatic rifle model of year 1947, AKA the AK-47. Thanks to Hollywood this is globally known as the single coolest rifle ever made, and thanks to human violence, the single most popular rifle on the planet (I think). It resists wear and tear, fires in almost any conditions, and is simple enough for a seven year old child to be taught how to dismantle, clean, reassemble, and fire it.

Well shit, I was going to say elephants, but that just won’t cut it after that. Let me get my damn dictionary. Encyclopedia, whatever…

Shit, there are only two entries for “E” in this thing, and I can’t say I’m a huge fan of ‘execution’. I’m going to have to go with ‘Entertainment”. I would go crazy if I didn’t have something constantly distracting me from the chatter in my head. Thanks, television!

Alright, K is for the KKK, the most hilarious hate group between the Third Reich and Al Quaeda.

I would call them the most poorly dressed, but whatever. Seriously, did someone actually look in the mirror and think “Sheets, yeah, that’ll be our thing!” That’s like trying to start a hardcore violent gang and thinking “Fuschia, yes!!!”

E is for eating, I’m a pretty big fan of that.

White is such a bad color choice for night stealth, and not to mention how dirty you must get the robes during lynchings. And who voted on the dunce hat? WTF?

I know!!! The hat, why??? Ugh. Anyways, your turn.

Ok, K is for Krokus who coverd one of the koolest sogs of all time, Ballroom Blitz.

Oh no way, I love Ballroom Blitz! The first time I heard it was in Wayne’s World, when Crucial Taunt sang it.

*five minute interlude for music appreciation time*

Hell yeah! \m/> <\m/

That was pretty good, though my favourite will always be Tia Carrere.

Of course, how could she not be. I’m stretching for K’s here shug.

Yeah, I’m still stuck on elephants. How far along are we? Count for me honey, I’ve had several glasses of wine.

I have done eight, you have done seven.

I’m going to go with Electricity. I’d be pretty fucked without it. Of course, once you get here we could live in a shack in the woods with a well for all I care. But for right now, I’m pretty fucked when I knock my power out. Unless whoever that person is nearby who is stupid enough to have an unsecured network open happens to be online.

Eight now.

Ok, so two more. Ooh, eccentricity! I has it!

I want everything in this picture. Consider it a 10 year goal.

I want everything in this picture. Consider it a 10 year goal.

Ok, let me go with Katherine Heigl, because I totally had a TV crush on her back when she was the stuck up bitch on Roswell, waaaaaay before Knocked up or Scrubs.










I don’t think she was on Scrubs…







*It is eventually determined that these are from another, less hilarious medically-themed show. Probably ER.*

Ha, I told you she wasn’t on scrubs. Are you thinking of the other blonde chick on scrubs? Elliot?

Negative, I was thinking of Heather Graham.

Cause Eliot’s cute but not super hot. But whatever, and either way that’s an E. But I don’t like her enough to use that as my last E choice. And I’m going to have to say a full negative to Heather Graham. She’s terrible in everything she’s ever done, ever, and at least Katherine Heigl has some boobage.

So a threesome with Heather Graham is out then?

Unless a threesome involves me punching her in the face. Why can’t we have Katherine Heigl?

Sold! To the lady with the big knockers!

Sweet, that’s totally me.

Thinking of ten K words that are cool is really hard. I’m going over all the things in my head now. Kalvin and Hobbes, Katterpillar heavy machinery, spaniKopida, everything I can think of starts with a damn C. Wait, no genius struck me at the last second. K stands for Klingons eating Klondike bars, because I fucking dare you to think of something cooler that starts with a K, especially after drinking rum.

 klingon klondike

That is a pretty cool visual. And as I’m headed for the last of a bottle of wine, I’m going to go ahead and cop out with “Existence.” It’s pretty bad-ass right now.

True dat, much better than that whole non-existence phase you went through. I found it to be much adieu about nothing, hmmm, jes?

Well I could also say “Existentialism” but let’s face it, they’re annoying. And right now, the extent of my existence is sitting on a couch in my underwear finishing off a bottle of wine while my hot boyfriend who’s willing to switch countries to be with me stares at my boobs. I’m thinking that’s a-ok my friend.

Me too, we’re going to have a lot of fun existing.

Alright, well what say we sign off this here blog and get to some long-distance practicing?

*wiggles eyebrows seducitvely*

Ok that sounds good to me, This blog was brought to you by the letters E and K. Have a good evening ladies and gentlemen.

Peace out!


Happy Flu Years


Okay, I knew the plan was to spend a quiet New Years on the couch. But I wasn’t planning to spend it on my back hopped up on flu meds. Dammit!

I’ve been sick for days. I’ll chug a bottle of Buckley’s or something tonight. I’ll be back with an update soon! There will be pictures!

There will also be crafty updates! Think fish. Yes, fish.

Okay, back to my flu delerium. Could someone please stop the earth from spinning? I’d like to get off 😦

Look at Me Go! Photos Ahoy!

Dudes, I am awesome when I get motivated to get shit done, and what better motivation than trying to get closer to a sexy piece of loving man? I know right? So since you’ve last heard, I have picked up a copy of Creating Web Pages for Dummies, which teaches HTML, CSS, Dreamweaver, etc., so that’s exciting. I’m just cracking into it now, so I can’t display my mad coding skillz yet but at least it’s becoming less foreign and frightening. And as Talea pointed out today, I’ve kind of become a graphic designer on the side since I like to create productive projects for myself at work to increase sales. I’m making info packages and brochure type documents left right and centre, and I’m doing it all on friggin’ bitch-face Microsoft Word. We all know what a pain in the ass that program is, so imagine how much easier I’ll be able to get all my pretty visions out once I know how to use the far superior tools of Dreamweaver and whatnot. Awesome.

I can, however, show you some other stuff I’ve been working on, which is my fun knitty projects! I’m planning on whipping up a batch of scarves, ’cause they’re oh-so-fun accessories (really, knitting sweaters may be impressive, but…no, no knitted sweaters for me) and because I can whip them up in a hurry. If I’m going to sell things, I better be able to produce them quickly, right? Then I’ll make a stop down to the public crafty type venue (I’m totally spacing on the name) where you can rent machinery you couldn’t possibly afford on your own, like super awesome sewing machines that I’m hoping/presuming can sew up fun tags and stuff. Tag ’em all up and by the time I’ve got the website up, I’ve got a decent headstart on virtual shelf filling goodness.

Check it out, yo! (Oh, and there’s some fun other stuff mixed in there too.)

Green Waffle Scarf

Green Waffle Scarf

This here’s a super fuzzy green scarf I made with a really simple pattern that Talea taught me. I’m so in love with this yarn! It’s called Sean Sheep and I’m so embarassed to say that I got it at Walmart, but I checked their website and it seems the gigantic bastards have exclusive distribution rights or something. Alright assmonkeys, I’ll play your game. I have to find more, I’m so amazed at how soft this yarn is without costing me an arm and/or leg. Any start up knitters out there, I’m totally pimping this stuff. I really hate the damn Walmart association, but I can’t pretend not to like the stuff. Hate the game, not the player.

Blue Wavy Scarf

Blue Wavy Scarf

This is a scarf that is a duplicate of a scarf I actually made for myself last fall, my first completed knitting project ever! The first one was a burgundy colour, and I had wanted to make a series of brightly coloured ones. You can’t see the shape too well in this photo cause it’s all pile up (on the super gorgeous flower carved wooden box Josh sent me for my keepsakes, awwwww), but the sides wave in and out. You can see better in this pic, I think.

Blue Wavy Scarf

Blue Wavy Scarf

Damn my shaky hands. I’ll probably model it at some point when I’ve got someone else to take a picture, but you get the idea. It’s kind of wooshy. Anyways, it’s just increasing and decreasing, but I thought it was kind of awesome that I came up with the idea all by myself 🙂

This is the next project:

Lime Green Basketweave

Lime Green Basketweave

This is actually a product of some mild math, an expansion of a smaller version of this pattern that I found…somewhere, I went on a crazed pattern collection binge one day, Google is awesome! You’d be amazed at the collection of pattern creators out there. Some of them sell their patterns (and kudos to them, cause I haven’t been able to come up with anything other than skinny-wide-skinny-wide = wavy), some are just spreading the crafty love. Anyways, in future, I will make sure to pay attention to see if someone has requested a credit for their knitty genius, but hopefully I’ll be able to create some of my own.

Future Projects

Future Projects

My stash of yarn, with patterns already assigned. I think I’m going to bead the shit out of that super crazy fuzzy pink stuff (as opposed to that slightly crazy fuzzy pink stuff and the sleek and shiny pink stuff) and do a simple pattern but randomly switch needle sizes, so it comes out kind of funky and uneven and net-like, in a sexy trendy fun kind of way. And I’m going to try my hand at a sort of quilt scarf by knitting patches of that shiny pink and purple stuff on the left and stitch them together to make a piecework scarf. I’m excited to see how it turns out.

My Office

My Office

My itty bitty place. There is a bedroom, but I gave it to the bunnies.

A Bunny! A Bunny named Brutus!

A Bunny! A Bunny named Brutus!

I’m actually kind of in love with the concept of small, compact living, although one of those itty bitty Swedish designed bunkers with bookcases for stairs to a loft bed might be a bit nicer than a teeny apartment with unsticky floor tiles. But I’ve got my TV, my futon (not craptacular, as a matter of fact, it’s pretty and awesome with drawers) my awesome blue trunk that Talea and I dragged up my stairs when we found it on the curb (Scavenging, go! I dragged that dresser under the TV up too, it holds all my shoes!) my fan and space heater cleverly filed away, my clothes dressers that are out of sight and obviously the bathroom. Peep my tiny kitchen! I’m so used to prepping food on a square foot of counter space that even when I bought a table for more space, I covered it with a mini indoor garden. I still really love having the extra shelf space underneath.

I think I’m going to make one of my first “How To Be Awesome” instructional videos all about cloning (and possibly stealing) plants. For someone who’s never really done much in the way of gardening, I seem to be doing okay! The last time I remember ‘gardening’ up until very recently was wanting to invite all my kindergarten friends over to see the carrot patch (also itty bitty) I had successfully grown in a decorative barrel in my grandmothers back yard. I even drew up invitations saying “Come See My Carrot Patch.” My mother and grandmother humoured me, but the baby hippie tea party was not to be.

The big one is from work, we apparently had too much greenery at reception. And when it outgrew the little pot, I potted it with soil in a bigger one. No point in tossing the little pots, so I decided to try my hand at planting some snipped leaves and seeing if they’d take root. So far so good! I’ve started two others with those brightly coloured leaves there from a big tropical plant I bought that I still don’t know the name of (seriously, if you recognize it, let me know what the hell it is).

The gnome is named Wally by the way, Josh sent it along with the carved box and other goodies. And when I went downt to visit, he gave me a little carved squirrel too, since he knows how much I love squirrels (but won’t let me have a flying squirrel for a pet, harumph!) One day I’ll be able to put them in a real outdoor garden.

He also got us some matching tattoos, for any newcomers out there who haven’t seen them yet 😉

Well that’s pretty much what I’ve been working on the past week and a bit. And right about now is way past my bedtime, (plus Josh is online, so I’m going to spend some time with him first ’cause we’ve both been busy working our asses off lately) so I’ll check in with y’all later.