About Us

My name is Emerald. I’ll let Josh introduce himself later. We’re a pretty rocking couple despite the 800 miles between us. I figured we’d be so cute our friends and families would want to stab us with chopsticks or something, but so far everyone seems to agree with our rocking status. I wanted to document the next couple of months/years/??? while we figure out how to get our asses together amidst all the legal, financial, and border crossing drama that we’ve got ahead of us right now. And other fun stuff, like new projects I’m starting to make some extra money, my hate-on for Greyhound, and so on and so forth. This is me:

it was not my birthday...

Here are some fun facts about me:

– I smoke a fuckton of weed.

– I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I know all women are crazy, but when I say I’m crazy, I mean it.

– I have a ridiculous memory for all things Family Guy/Simpsons

– I love beer. Also wine. Beer.

– I’m from a big bad city. It’s beautiful, cultured, convenient and awesome, and I love it.

– I’m vegetarian. Without being an asshole about it.

– I’m so left wing it’s not even funny. But I can appreciate what our right wing government has done for our rockin’ Canadian economy lately, so I’m not an asshole about that either.

– I like Motley Crue. Shut your face, I also like 1920’s jazz and just about everything else.

Hello internet denizens. My name is Josh, and as you can see I bring most of the class and looks to the relationship. And by class, I mean gigantic eyebrows and body odor. I guess I’ll be representing the dudes here on this blog. We’ve got some serious shit to go through before we can be together, and it’s gonna be long and no doubt crazy. So are you ready for my powerpoint self representation and general life summary? Let’s kick this pig.

– I am a blue collar man from North Carolina. I fix trailers. I realize this sounds a bit cliche, but I like it.

– I do not smoke a fuckton of weed, but I do smoke a little bit, and make up the rest in booze. I am also trying to cut back on all that boozery, for my combined heath and legal benefit. I do however strongly disagree with the war on drugs and I really enjoy recreational use of all sorts of shit from time to time. I would say hallucinogenics are my favorite, besides beer.

– I come from the suburbs of dixie land, and I am in no way, shape, or form a big city guy. Yet. I love the south, everything about it, (minus the heat) but I plan on moving to Toronto to be with Emerald, so one day my little country ass might be living in a big city.

– I love meat, and immediately upon finding out Em was a vegetarian informed her that no woman would ever come between me and my tasty, tasty dead animals. Steak, porkchops, ribs, burgers, hotdogs, bbq, I love it all, and I love it with every meal. In fact, I really just love food in general, and I really like cooking, so I’m sure we can work out a way to make his and hers meals with that delicious, bloody murder on my plate and plenty of leaves and sprigs and such on hers.

– I would say I swing pretty hard to the right on a lot of issues, but definitely don’t have a party affiliation. Honestly, I think both parties suck and have just about everything wrong, and should be executed and our government rebuilt from the ground up with about one percent of the laws actually reestablished. Unfortunately the government foresaw my plans and made mass murder illegal. Whatever.

– Music wise I am all over the place. Everything from Hank Williams Jr. to System of a Down. I would say Sublime is my personal favorite band. But I pretty much like anything if it doesn’t suck. (that means you U2)

– I have a thing for zombies. I fucking love them. Well not so much actual zombies as the zombie movies, but you get what I’m saying. They are the coolest of all horror movie monsters.

– I am not cool. I do dorky shit, and I am not trying to make friends. I’m poor, I ride a scooter, I’ve got zits, I’ve been locked up more than I wish, I’m pretty much white trash. People who really want to be cool annoy me. Except for emo kids who really want to be cool in a hilarious way.

– I have a very dark sense of humor. Is wife beating funny? Yes it is. How about killing puppies? Also funny. If it’s dark and possibly disturbing, I laugh. If you can fit porn in there somehow I laugh even harder. Nothing in this life is as funny as watching someone fairly square when it comes to sex watch 2 girls 1 cup for the first time. Hilarious.