Sweet, Sweet Change of Plans

Okay everyone, remember how I told you to bitchslap your computers? We’re changing course – start knocking on every variety of wood you can find (short of injuring male loved ones for the sake of double entendre). Feel free to use pressed fiberboard, paneling, and exes.

The internet…waaaaaaaaiiiit forrrrrrr iiiiiiit…is back!


I have a new modem. It’s spiffy and shiney and new. And somehow, through a miraculous alignment of the cosmos (angry fist shake) I managed to get it up and running. It’s supposed to take ten minutes. It took me two hours, and I didn’t even have any problems. It was just very…involved. Vista shines here, with the constant approving of every goddamned step, and having to restart every time some new aspect gets installed (such as the piles of anti-virus – oh internet, why are you so dangerous?). Download this executable file, launch said executable file, install feature, loading, loading, loading. It was just a meticulous, pissy little process that had me sitting on the edge of my seat all night.

But finally, finally, I have the internet.

Wireless internet!!!!

Me! Technologically stunted and maimed, I somehow figured out how to appease the digital deities and actually got my wireless working. I’m not covered in cables! I can sweep my floor without meticulously unplugging, draping, carefully arranging (or just ignoring it and nibbling my lip over the bad-housekeeper guilt). I don’t trip over things at 2am when that last bottle of juice announces itself as a poorly timed idea!





Now let’s not get carried away. This month, overall, is still sucking the big one. Work is a pain in the ass, and every douchebag and their ugly sister seem out to get me. They’re filming underbudgeted movies on my block and cluttering up the traffic. Starbucks has discontinued the only vegetarian breakfast sandwhich. Josh is hard at work both on the job and getting some renovations done around his brothers house for my visit, so between that and the rest of life we’re often pressed for time. I’ve promised May that I won’t use Limewire, and so I’m dying without my instant fixes and guilty pleasures. I still don’t have tiles on half the floor, and my futon is becoming lumpier by the day. Also, neither tax nor bonus season were as kind to me as I’ve grown accustomed. Boourns.

But this, I will celebrate. This one teeny, tiny technological victory, as brief as I realize it could be, I will take it and run with it.


Thumbs up internet, I’m back in your grill. Now let’s finish suckerpunching the rest of this shitty month and get on with my damn vacation, alright?



  1. javajunkee said,

    May 15, 2009 at 2:25 am

    yes!!! I am so glad to see you back!! YAY!

    as for it being a shitty month. How bout just a shit packed year so far? Yeah fuck the government. We owed both those sons of bitches this year. Paid the feds $958 and owe state $500 and something..I only sent them $200 I could come up with. I’m sure they’ll send me a nice little reminder it’s not paid in full and tack on their fucking interest on it. BASTARDS!
    Still jobless and this is starting to pose a problem not only in the checkbook area and FINAL NOTICE areas..but not doing much for my mood either. I’m not one who can stay at home anymore. I feel like I’m getting frumpy again and losing all motivation to even exist. SIGH! Sorry …just really glad to see you back.
    Looking forward to your funny posts that make me forget my pity parties 😉

  2. JavaQueen said,

    May 15, 2009 at 5:50 am

    Yay for you and your technical leap forward! I’m excited to see more of you now!

  3. birdpress said,

    May 16, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Welcome to the wonderful world of wireless!

  4. Jen512 said,

    May 17, 2009 at 6:27 am

    Who needs Limewire when there’s Youtube? I agree, don’t use Limewire…torrent if you must!

    Congrats on getting things going on your own, way to go techie! Vista is a bitch though…it’s shiny and pretty but there’s a stupid monkey deep inside there pushing buttons and throwing shit, so beware. I know it’s going to be on the next laptop I buy and a plan to write over it, bwhahaha.

  5. tom said,

    May 19, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    nice blog 🙂

  6. Emerald said,

    May 20, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    @ javajunkee: I hope things pick up for you soon too! And yeah, it’s been a shitty one so far for a lot of people. Don’t worry, you’ll kick it’s ass 😉

    @ javaqueen: I’m excited to be back!

    @ birdpress: It’s a sweet, sweet land indeed. Now if I could just lose this mega-keyboard 😛

    @ jen512: Duuuude, I hate Vista so much. Just the new Word is enough to break my brain, never mind trying to get into the nitty gritty of it.

  7. Jen512 said,

    May 22, 2009 at 6:29 am

    Try OpenOffice it’s free open source software that works just like all the Microsoft Office programs except easier to use and without all the bugs. Also, you can save your files with Microsoft compatible file extensions like .doc and .xls so that people that don’t have OpenOffice can open files you send to them.

    If you’re ever brave enough to switch to Linux you can say goodbye to errors forever and they have very user-friendly interfaces now called GUIs. Plus you’ll free up a lot of available memory on your hard drive that Vista uses up.

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