Holiday Hootenanny

Ok, so we weren’t supposed to have any kind of ‘Holiday’ gathering at the office this year, over-PC’d or otherwise. Economy blah blah blah. It’s not as huge a deal as one might think – the nature of our business requires a very small staff. The majority of those around us are clients renting space. So while you’d be miffed if your roommates didn’t invite you to a Christmas party, it’s no big deal if your landlord skimps on the Seasons Greetings, dig?

Still, I was having none of it. To hell with my clients, I want a day or two to revel in my emerging domestic tendencies. I do a little breakfast thing once a month for the office. Its generally a thankless job but it provides a creative outlet and a break from the humdrum of complaints and photocopying. So I convinced the Boss Man and his cohort Talea to let me spend a little more of the company cash this month and holiday it up, yo!

So yeah, I slaved over an oven for a few thank yous, but I also got to take a day off work and bake all day. That means sampling all day.

Peep what I can do!

Sugar Cookies - Almost There

Sugar Cookies - Almost There

Sugar Cookies - Done!

Sugar Cookies - Done!

Sugar Cookies - Lots!

Sugar Cookies - Lots!

I made several dozen Sugar and Brown Sugar Cookies and used up the last of my sprinkles on the plain sugar ones for decoration.  They’re colourful and take up space – and who doesn’t love eating cookie bears head first?

Lemon Squares

Lemon Squares

My lemon squares are awesome if I do say so myself. I got basic recipe on AllRecipes.com somewhere, and made a few adjustments by adding tons of vanilla and almond. I’m starting to think I can spike them with rum too, but I’d like to remember Christmas this year. These are addictive.

By this point I’d been baking for about four hours. Break time!

chillin1

Chilling with my sexy man

Yeah, this is how Josh and I spend quality time together. Over MSN with a not-always-functioning webcam. Stupid technology. Thankfully the cams were working well on this particular night so I could chat with him while being able to actually step away and use my hands for baking instead of typing.

Here’s my other recreational activity:

Eventually, they approved of the cranberries

Eventually, they approved of the cranberries

The bunnies! They turned their wiggly noses up at the dried cranberries at first, but eventually when I wasn’t looking they decided to like them.

Back to work!

I spent all of Wednesday running back and forth between my kitchen, Honest Ed’s for bakeware, and the local Metro for a ridiculous amount of baking ingredients. I lugged so much sugar and flour up my ridiculous winding stairs that my ass literally hurts. I’m baking, and my ass hurts. Fantastic.

These are the last two pictures I managed to take before I fell into a sugar-based daze that I’m only now coming out of:

mmmmmmm delicious...

mmmmmmm delicious...

mmmmmmm delicious side view

mmmmmmm delicious side view

These. Are. SO good. I’m not quite sure of their name, but they shall henceforth be known as Fantasmic. Fantasmic in bar form. Super buttery shortbread on the bottom, brown sugary caramel ooey gooey oh-fuck-its-melting-everywhere-gimme-a-spoon deliciousness in the middle, and chocolate-peanut-butter-cranberry goodness on top. You can’t eat more than two of these. Well, you can eat as many as you want, but chances are the paramedics will find you twenty minutes later huddled in a corner with drool and butter all over your silly face.

And um, yeah. I ate several. Not to mention I was under a bit of a time constraint, because everything always takes three times longer than you think it will. So I spaced out at this point and forgot to document the shortbread topped with hand whipped cream and berries. As well as the cranberry walnut cookies and the rice krispie squares.

Anyways, it was a magnificent spread. I threw it all in the boardroom and topped it off with a nice assortment of fruit and cheese to lighten the sugar-shock a bit. I wanted to throw on a Christmas movie at the last minute, but Shoppers across the street with those $9.99 dvd’s didn’t have anything even remotely holiday-oriented. Littlest Hobo something or other, and that just wouldn’t do. So the shindig was held to the soundtrack of “Oooh, yes I’ll try one of those, I – oh wow. These are SOOOOOO good!” Which was the only thing I needed to hear amidst the occasional “What, no wine?”  (“Um, it’s noon.”) and “Where’s the burgers?” to keep me happy.

Also, my uber boss showed up. He’s quite nice but very nerve wracking because while being  nice he’ll discretely brush up against a wall and judge you based on its cleanliness. If he picks up a piece of marketing propaganda placed on a table and asks “Why is this here?” the answer is always “It’s not!” *toss* You know the type. So I was out to impress and impress I did. He ate enough of those Fantasmic things that the sugar sent him into the most hilarious state I’ve ever seen. Very concerned with his appearance he rarely indulges in sugar – hadn’t, he confessed, for about six months. That he took seconds, thirds, and then some for the road was a compliment indeed. I’m pretty sure that by the end of the day he thought he was a hummingbird.

And now, at the end of a week long stretch of prepping, baking, hauling and coordinating, after being up until 1am Thursday/Friday to get the last of the shortbread done and spending all of Friday fussing and organizing (eating various forms of sugar because I forgot to feed myself real food) rushing and cleaning, and then attending an impromptu family-friend art event (What? Where the hell did that come from? That was this week? Who am I? What’s a hypotenuse?) followed by a Stitch n’ Bitch today, I am finally home and I’m starting to think that I’m the hummingbird.

I.

Am.

Pooped!

I go now. I go to the couch and the tv and the bed. I sleep. Then I wake up and clean like a madwoman – but I shall pay that no mind tonight! Tonight I kick my feet up with some reheated pizza, and I don’t want to see any more shortbread for a good long time.

By which I mean probably tomorrow night.

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14 Comments

  1. December 14, 2008 at 8:09 am

    Goodies galore. Must have been nice until the hummingbird syndrome set in. 😉 That pic of you and Josh kickin’ it together was just too cute. 🙂 You go awesome domestic goddess. 😛

  2. birdpress said,

    December 14, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    Mmm… Looks and sounds delicious! I’m sure you had people loving you and hating you for filling their mouths and tummies with fattening deliciousness! But mostly loving you, because, forget men, the way to EVERYone’s hearts is usually through their stomaches! I try to eat healthy the rest of the year, but Christmas cookies are my downfall. 😉

  3. Ginny said,

    December 14, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    Wow! You knit, you bake…are you sure you’re not a 50’s housewife? (BTW, would you be willing to email the recipe?)

  4. Pure Evyl said,

    December 14, 2008 at 11:08 pm

    Those look fantasmic indeed.

  5. javajunkee said,

    December 15, 2008 at 3:15 pm

    you shame me 😦
    I’ve done no baking and really don’t intend to. I used to do like plates of stuff for the office and junk but it just got to be too much.
    Would love the recipe for that ooey gooey bar chocolate paramedic calling stuff.

  6. romi41 said,

    December 15, 2008 at 6:23 pm

    WOW….I almost had a sugar seizure just looking at all this stuff! That chocolately-caramely-with-shortbread on the bottom-goodness almost made me soil myself with ecstasy (have others had similar reactions???…)

    🙂

  7. Josh said,

    December 16, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    Dude, I can’t wait until we get to cook together. We’re gonna be fat if we don’t watch ourselves. (watch ourselves eat that is, zing!) All that stuff looks really good. One of my work buddies brought in a big ass tin of Christmas candy and baked goods the other day. His mom does the same thing you just did, every year, and there’s always tons of extras to give out. I ate a lot.

    I wonder what everyone would think if they knew I was totally naked when you took that picture. Mwahahahahahahahaha!

  8. JavaQueen said,

    December 17, 2008 at 4:00 am

    How’d you pull that off?? More money and a day off to BAKE! Jeez, girl- you are …. you are so dang clever 🙂

    Everything looks so good, they are lucky to have you!

  9. Emerald said,

    December 17, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    @ Peter: It was tons of fun! Even after the hummingbird syndrome, sometimes it’s fun just spinning around in circles getting nothing done 😉 And thanks, I think Josh is pretty cute too, ha! 😀

    @ Birdpress: I totally did, one of our clients called me a jerkface. But she’s SUPER skinny and so adorable so she’s allowed to call me a jerkface. Others gave muffled thanks through mouthfuls of butter and sugar.

    @ Ginny: I would LOOOOVE to be a 50’s housewife. See the problem is when you’re expected to slave in the kitchen all day. But if you choose to do the dishes in heels and bake all day, well then that’s extra feminist as far as I’m concerned 😉

    @ PureEvyl: Thanks, they totally are.

    @ Javajunkee: This is the first year that I’ve really gotten the bake on. Josh has brought out my uber-domestic tendencies. And yes, I will post the recipe soon! As soon as I come out of my shopping/wrapping/bagging/panic frenzy.

    @ Romi: I’m pretty sure the look on my face was pretty hilarious the first time I ate one of those things. And I damn well wish I had brought a camera to capture Talea’s expression, it was great.

    @ Mah BehBeh: I don’t want to be fat! We’ll have to work out extra to keep those pounds off. But we can work out in just about any room in the house, if you catch my drift, way-hey-hey! 😉

    @ JavaQueen: Mahaha, it’s called ‘a rad work team that lets me have my way’. Most days at least. I’m pretty lucky to have such an awesome work place. Sure I’m surrounded by morons most of the time, but my actual coworkers are fab. There’s only four of them, so they’re easy to manipulate. I mean…get along with. Yes, that’s what I meant.

  10. Josh said,

    December 17, 2008 at 11:56 pm

    Romi: Somehow the image of you soiling yourself with ecstasy over a Christmas cookie seems less dirty than one would think. Kind of like a panda bear pup dropping a deuce.

    Em: Sweet, will you be dressed up like a fifties house wife for this? And were chicks back then extra freaky or what? I imagine people from that time were, like, all closet bondage freaks, cause they were so goodie goodie the rest of the time. (insert leave it to beaver double entendre here)

  11. cowgalutah said,

    December 18, 2008 at 4:19 am

    mmmm…cookies.

    I’m like a little cookie monster. I will try to refrain from licking my screen now, but just because I work at a public computer.
    😆

    Anywho…just stopping by to say Happy Holidays!

  12. Billy said,

    December 20, 2008 at 1:00 am

    Holy spatoli! You tore it up in the kitchen! I can’t bake. Unless of course it’s pizza but still, who knows?

  13. duffboy said,

    December 20, 2008 at 5:26 pm

    The Fantasmics sound both scary and delicious, but I can say that this year I haven’t gotten near something as yummy looking at those desserts of yours (not counting girls of course). Sigh, where are my Fantasmics?

  14. Emerald said,

    December 22, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    @ Cowgal: They are quite delicious, but probably not in HTML 😉 Happy Holidays to you too!

    @ Billy: I totally tore up my kitchen too. I tried to stay on top of the dishes while I was baking cause I had to reuse things over and over again. But after the last batch…well I woke up to a very messy sink. But well worth it!

    @ Duffboy: You can has Fantasmics! I shall post the recipe! Soon!


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