Shut Your Mouth, Biznatch!

Ann Coulter.


This is one of  those times where I have to be careful, because I am very prone to letting things ‘get’ to me a little too much. Part of being crazy or something, but whatever. This woman pisses me off.

I’m not going to say much about her, and I probably don’t need to. I could rant and rave and be all witty, but I seriously doubt I could say anything to fully explain how much this woman makes me want to spit. I kind of lack the ability to turn off that GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! feeling once it really gets going – I’ll end up getting mad at something completely unrelated and equally retarded, like gravity. (Don’t worry, I’m still a ranter, it’s just not a good idea to let it fly when something *actually* gets to me on a level deeper than the flesh wound that is subway rudeness.) So I recommend Google, it’s pretty easy to use.

Go on, take a peek.

Seriously, go now. I’ll wait.

*Jeopardy Theme*

Did you?

I know, right? Could you just die?

Look, I’m all for opposing views, ok? Josh and I have some outrageously different view points, but we’re able to converse and know when to just agree to disagree. And of course ones morals and values may change over time with life events, but have you ever actually met someone who, after a lively debate, said something like “Oh, you’re right, pro-life is the way to be!” Or vice versa?

Having a logical platform for your views is necessary – nobody wants to talk to an airhead who doesn’t know why she’s voting or even talking, nor a jackass who just goes along with his peers. But I have a problem with people who essentially sit on my lap and scream their views at me, who are absolutely unwavering and intolerant of the possibility of another opinion.

You’re simply not going to change people’s minds on certain issues, at least not after a single screaming match. At a certain point, you’re just spewing out more anger and intolerance into the universe and wreaking cosmic havoc on the rest of us. Stop it already.

Anyways, the only reason I brought the whole thing up is that I just heard she had her jaw wired shut. I still don’t know why, and don’t care. Probably some kind of legitimate surgery. Whatever.

I just wanted to celebrate.

God, Karma, Luck, Chaos, whatever you want to call it, I appreciate the newfound sense of irony. Thanks.


  1. Pure Evyl said,

    November 28, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    Ann Coulter is scary. She has a way of saying the most batshit crazy stuff in such a way that if you don’t read between the lines at times she seems almost plausible. But when you look at it as a whole, their is no other way to look at it other than she is batshit crazy.

  2. javajunkee said,

    November 28, 2008 at 8:26 pm

    LOL..did you work that photo over? I’m gonna have to go listen to more of her..but I’m thinking I’m going to go with batshit crazy too!

  3. David said,

    November 29, 2008 at 2:00 am

    OW! SNAP! That Time magazine photo is NOT Ann Coulter, really, is it? It looks like fucking Kurt Cobain. And what’s with the quote from Silence of the Lambs??

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m with you on the jaw-wired-shut rejoicing and all, but really, I’ve never given her more than 2 seconds of my attention at a time, not since the college nudie photos of her were circulating the web anyway.

    Rant on Emerald! Thanks for blogging!

  4. Emerald said,

    November 29, 2008 at 3:36 am

    @ PureEvyl: I know, right? The scariest thing is that she really believes it!

    @ JavaJunkee: Hehehe, no it came like that. And I know, it’s kind of hypnotic in a very scary way.

    @ David: Ha, that would be Buffalo Bill/Jame Gumb from Silence of the Lambs photoshopped in, with his fave line “It puts the lotion on its skin.” Basically just saying how creepy, “that-ain’t-right” weird the chick is.

  5. romi41 said,

    November 30, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    hahahahaa……the Nelson quote and visual just made this one of the sweetest rants ever; you should end every post with “HA HA!”… it 🙂

  6. kaylee2 said,

    December 3, 2008 at 2:38 am

    i came to say hi

  7. December 3, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    She’s so awful.

  8. duffboy said,

    December 6, 2008 at 3:02 am

    From what I hear she should’ve had her jaw wired shut long ago, except if she was about to do dirty deeds, like, done real cheap 😉 She’s probably into that.

  9. Emerald said,

    December 6, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    @ Romi: I thought it was a nice touch too 😛

    @ Kaylee: Thanks for stopping by, glad you’re doing alright

    @ Maggie: Yes she is, damn near make my skin crawl

    @ Duffboy: Agreed! And I love the ACDC reference 😉

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