One Year of Kick-Yer-Ass Awesome

Josh and I met one year ago today. He’s not home right now, and I just got back in from dinner with my mother and now feel like ass. So as far as anniversaries go, it’s probably not the most idealistic. But I still feel like the biggest winner ever. I’m so in love it’s retarded.

We met, quite randomly, via wordpress…and fine, blogspot too I guess, which is where he was before switching to wordpress. In fact, my first comment to him started off with how crap blogspot is. I found him from a comment he left on my post written about the equally crap Toronto Independent Music Awards (crap because there were more thank-you’s to the corporate supporters than actual music or info, and as usual, my usual posse of strange morons abounded in all their poorly-dressed glory).

He wrote:

Despite my general distaste for the Indie scene in general, I loved your account of the evening. I wish I could get this post drunk and seduce it into a one night stand that ends akwardly but still leaves both parties gratified. In fact this could just about be any awards show at any shitty club. It would have been the exact same lame ass people/bull shit. And take pride in how many people you pissed off. They were probably the bald deuche bags that blocked traffic with their charitable buggery. And forget about the grammar. Grammar is for class work and science articles. This is teh facking interweb noobs. Mother fuckers don’t have to grammarize shit if they don’t feel like it! Ask any LOLcat.

(ed note: I had gotten a lot of grammar-related shit from Indie lovers, and may or may not have pissed off a charitable organization en route to the show.)

Your blog has a perfect title, cause after reading it for the first time, it sort of feels like christmas time. Rock on Green Metropolis. I like chicks with balls. (not actual balls mind you, the metaphorical sort of balls that don’t clutter up the paradice city that is the ball-less vagina)

Lolcats and vaginas. How could I resist? I took a trip on over to his page and found a cool, hilarious, foul-mouthed character who instantly pulled me in with his ranting and raving over Google difficulties. Clearly, we were two awesome people waylayed by the jackassery surrounding us.

I wrote:

yeah, i’m with ben about the leaflet. But can I tell you that you’re awesome? I have totally blogrolled you (not that I remember how I repaired it), and if you happen to be at my site, you might find a kindred spirit with my post “Fuck you, you fucktarded fucking fuckbags.” Just a thought.

Kindred spirits indeed. More like meant to be.

And if you’re wondering who ‘ben’ is, he was some random person who commented just before me with *sneaks in*leaves a wordpress leaflet*sneaks out. I have no idea who he is, but I agreed and decided to say so. I’d thank him for his small role in this tale, but his blog is long abandoned with no contact. Oh well, we all play a bit-part in someone’s story.

It continued on from there, with more comments and almost immediate flirting. I was smitten. So was he. We each talked to our mutual e-friends about each other (*cough*Romi*cough*Talea-even-though-she’s-my-real-friend-too*cough*) while still avoiding the terrifying reality that is turning to someone you have a total crush on and telling them how you feel.

We began talking via msn, and facebook, sending each other long letters every day, sometimes two, or letters so long that facebook insisted on multiple…


Sorry, multiple installments. Got a little distracted there. Ahem.

Right, lots of letters. Paragraph upon paragraph exploring our lives and our very different worlds. Our experiences with life, love and everything in between. In regards to our lives, they were and continue to be very different. We always have something to talk about, even though we’ve reached the point where we’re comfortable just sitting quietly together. In regards to love, we had both been jilted a few times. He had mentioned a few girls, and I disapproved of them – partially because I’m naturally a very judgemental person and mostly because I was already jealous and wanted him for my own. And I was rotating between a few non-committal characters that he could already recognize as completely wrong for me.

I’ve been reading back through our letters, and while I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it became clear that we were head over heels, there was a day where I announced my belief that a horrible joke was being played on us – we would so obviously be together if not for the 800 miles between us. From that point, we gradually changed from friends to more-than-friends with no effort at all. It’s like we had been together all along, and it only made sense. The 800 miles no longer seemed like a factor in a decision. It wasn’t a matter of choosing whether or not to pursue something that was sure to be difficult. It was now a simple fact that we were together, and there was this giant space between us that had to be conquered. We had started dating without having yet met.

On March 11th of this year, after he wrote a long, heartfelt, romantic letter on facebook, promptly had it accidentally erased, and then simply blurted out over msn “I’m in love with you,” Josh and I became an official ‘couple’. It’s awesome. He is awesome. We are awesome. Having Josh has changed me in so many ways for the better, and for once I feel like I’m doing something right. I win. I win, I win, I win I win I win. Whatever lottery or system of karma that determines who we find in life to carry us through, be it luck, destiny, fate, randomness, whatever you feel like calling it, I hit the total jackpot.

And here’s the best part: we’re not just in love (as well as total and complete lust), we’re in like. I *like* Josh. I can fart on him. He can fart on me. I can cry in front of him. I can rant and rave and be a total weirdo. He can insist on ridiculous manly things, be in funny moods, and send me e-cards to inform me that the bird is in fact, the word. He can comment freely on how hot such-and-such an actress is, and I still have my other boyfriends (Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue and George Stroumboulopoulos of CBC’s The Hour – as long as they don’t find out, since people do resort to restraining orders and whatever) because at the end of the day I feel totally secure that Josh is my man and will be there when I need him. Emotional security is not an easy accomplishment for a crazy girl like me, but Josh ninja-kicked his way through and ran off with my heart, leaving me with nothing to say except “Awesome. Count me in.”

*Round of Applause*

So today is not our official one year anniversary, but it’s still a pretty awesome day. Because we’re not just a couple, we’re friends too. And that is totally worth celebrating.


  1. QueenBitch said,

    October 24, 2008 at 10:47 am

    aww you guys!! you two are so awesome.. My eyes may have a lil something in them.. only a lil something….

    Heres to many many more annivesaries!! hopefully you’ll be able to spend the rest together 🙂

  2. Emerald said,

    October 24, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    @ Queenie: Thanks! I hope so too!

    Also, I pulled a Mitch Hedburg on this one – I just re-read it and realized how often I say the word ‘totally.’ I need to cut back on that. “Hey, do you like subway sandwiches?” “All-encompasingly!”

  3. Lucky said,

    October 24, 2008 at 5:44 pm

    WOW WOW WOW! I am so happy for you two. I came across both your blogs before you outed the love-awesomeness to the WordPress world and they have only gotten better! I love reading it as one now. So once you two finally get together for good…keep writing. Congrats y’all 😉 (Had to throw more southern love at ya, Em!)

  4. Toni said,

    October 24, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    hello dear, absolutely irrelevant to your post, but this British girl (you may snarl, whatever) would like to make you a reccomendation = if you have not heard of the English tv show Peep Show (its not porn) please watch it. I assure you it rocks and is proof that English/Britishness is not general shite. If you disagree, you are wrong. If you like it, please give me a yay. I read your ranting and I feel some kind of likeness with your humour/grarrr. etc. Good luck with your man

  5. Emerald said,

    October 24, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    @ Lucky: Thanks for the southern love too 😉 And for sure we’ll keep this blog going once we’re together! That’s when the real fun is going to start, because instead of things like “Greyhound can kiss my ass!” and “Frigging distance and legal blah!” you’ll be able to see things like “Let’s see what we can blow up in a microwave!” and “Can you flush this? Let’s find out.”

    @ Toni: My media exposure is somewhat limited with no cable, but I’ll definitely see if I can catch it on the intermawebs! Thanks for the recommendation and the reading. Glad you can relate to my rants, I’m sure many people can.

  6. joanharvest said,

    October 24, 2008 at 6:47 pm

    Love Love Love this post. I Love seeing people in Love. Congratulations on your anniversary!! I love the photo too. It’s wonderful that you like Josh, not just Love/lust him. My daughter was friends with her husband for a couple of years before they started going out together. So she likes her husband too.

    Keep up the good Lovin’.

  7. kaylee said,

    October 25, 2008 at 1:06 am

    love this 🙂

  8. Josh said,

    October 25, 2008 at 3:02 am

    Em: Aw, darlin. Sorry we didn’t end up spending the whole night together. I have a bad way with important dates. It will be easier when we live together, cause we can go out together to have fun instead of trying to sync two different schedules and sets of friends/family. I still can’t believe I said, “This is teh facking interweb noobs.” God I’m such a dork. But I’m the luckiest dork ever, cause you rock not only my, but everyone elses socks off too. And I’m still kind of relieved that you are really hot, cause I didn’t really want to fall in love with an ugly chick. Cheers to our first year of friendship sweet thang, here’s to eighty more.

    Toni: What would make you think Americans don’t like Brits? We love you guys. You have sexy accents for starters, and really dry humor, and good beer. I just got turned on to The Mighty Boosh recently, and that show is awesome. I’ll definitely give Peep Show a look. Cheerio gov’nah.

  9. Java said,

    October 26, 2008 at 8:21 am

    This post gave me the warm and fuzzies 😉 I am so happy for you two, congratulations! There’s nothing better than being in love, and having it thrown right back at ‘cha with the same intensity! BEST TO YOU!

  10. Red said,

    October 27, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    that’s fucking awesome, auntie em . .
    yay for the two of yall!

  11. romi41 said,

    October 28, 2008 at 3:26 am

    shit Em, near the end you got me a little misty-eyed there; why do you and Josh always do that to me!?!?!??!

    Damn you.

    (but I love you guys)

    But damn you though.

  12. Emerald said,

    October 28, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    @ Java: It is pretty rad, I’m so lucky! Thanks for the well-wishing.

    @ Red: I’m totally in a yay-for-everyone mood right now. Not to fear, however, there will still be things to rant about! But yes, this is a yay-for-life post. Spreading the love!

    @ Romi: Haaaaa, I knew you’d get all misty eyed. You’re the best for that, and for all those months of cheering me on while I secretly lusted after Josh (and for telling him how awesome I am and stuff 😉 )

  13. Billy said,

    October 28, 2008 at 8:20 pm

    Happy of the happiest happy anniversary. It’s nice to know that all works out via wordpress. I’m happy for you guys. Now that’s a lot of happy.

  14. kaylee2 said,

    October 29, 2008 at 2:03 am

    JOSH looks good 🙂

  15. October 29, 2008 at 6:36 am

    A love like y’all’s is just too sweet. 😀 Totally makin’ my teeth hurt. 😉

  16. Emerald said,

    October 29, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    @ Billy: It sure is, but I’m down 😉

    @ Kaylee: Yes he sure does! I can’t wait until I’m down there, you’ll be seeing way more of the both of us 😀

    @ Peter Parkour: Hehe, thanks. My teeth hurt too, but it’s probably more due to all the candy I eat. Speaking of which, Josh says they don’t really have ‘candy stores’ down there, so I’m going to have to stock up before I move.

  17. October 30, 2008 at 1:16 am

    Oh come on!!! They have candy stores, and lots of other stores with candy. 😉 He’s just not applying himself in the sweet treat department. 😛

  18. Emerald said,

    October 30, 2008 at 1:46 am

    @ Peter: well i am developing somewhat of an addiction…maybe it’s an intervention thing 😉

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