4×4 Meme, a two part, four part cooperative.

This meme was taken from Queenies blog, go check her out if you have a minute. In the first section I, Josh, ask Emerald four sets of questions with four answers each, and in the second section she does the same with me.

Josh: Alrighty Emerald, tell me four things you have done today.

Emerald:
1) Had e-sex with my totally hot man.
2) Did three dishes and watered the plants.
3) Washed off last nights makeup.
4) Heated up some leftover Kraft dinner.
SO classy! We don’t have to put the e-sex thing in there if its a little to personal for you, but I personally don’t mind.

Josh: I’m OK with that. So why exactly do you call it Kraft dinner as opposed to Kraft macaroni and cheese? I mean it’s not really a dinner food per se, it more like an anytime food.

Emerald: It says Kraft dinner on the box.

Josh: Uh huh, so it’s just how they label it in Canadia?

Emerald: Yep.

Josh says: Weird, but whatever. Alright, here’s one you will like, being the organizer-holic that you are, tell me four things on your to do list

Emerald says:
1) laundry
2) groceries
3) haircut
4) buy bunny food, a winter coat and those sexy green boots in the window of that store I like up the street

Josh: So is the bunny food at all related to the winter coat?

Emerald: No, but it’s across the street, so it’s pretty much one trip. I cheat like that in life, you see  😉

Josh: Oh, I thought you might be fattening up the bunnies to make a coat or something. How can you live in the arctic circle and not have a winter coat already? How did you survive last winter? … …. You have your disapproving face on.

Emerald: Last year’s [coat] got peed on by asshole cats towards the end of winter when it was starting to get warm enough to wear my trench coat again, which is also getting tired looking. Yes, I disapprove of my asshole cats, who I got rid of, because they were assholes.

Josh: I guess that’s better than being pissed on by homeless bums or something. And speaking of getting pissed on, what are your four guiltiest pleasures?

Emerald: Haha! Your mom!

Josh: Very nice.

Emerald: Ha, I rule. I’m the best girlfriend ever!

Josh: Not if my mom pisses on you.

Emerald: Yeah, no thanks. Ummm, guilty pleasures …

Josh: Is it really that hard for you to come up with guilty pleasures? Boring much?

Emerald: Well I’m not guilty about very many of my pleasures. I came up with a whole bunch of stuff, and then I was thinking “But I’m proud of my fond love of cherry flavored adult products”
1) tween pop
2) emo music
3) splurging on candy
4) creamsicles

Josh: OK, we’re gonna have to delve into this one a little bit more. Tween POP!!!!? Please elaborate.

Emerald: Um, there may be some um….*cough*spears*cough* on my, um playlist with some um….yeah. And maybe some pussycat dolls. (blushing emoticon)

Josh: Ha, like yesterday when you referred to the haircut from Womanizer and I had to go look it up cause I had never heard the song or seen the video?

Emerald: Shut up, that was for Talea!

Josh: Sure it was, by the way there were four or five different doo’s up in that video, were you referring to the one that looked like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction?

Emerald: No, the longer, dark red version when she was a waitress. though i did like that hot secretary look on her. 😉

Josh: Oh snap, so T-rex is gonna have red hair now?

Emerald: Well she dyes it the same colour purple-brown as me, so sort of funky, but more purple than red. I think she’s mostly in it for the cut, though, we can’t have our hair too crazy coloured. the whole corporate thing, you know.

Josh: Right, but I suppose as long as you cover it up you can still cut yourself. So what’s your favorite Emo music?

Emerald: Bright Eyes, Brand New, Lovedrug, mayyyyyyybe Dashboard Confessional like once a year, My Chemical Romance, and some vaguer stuff like Thirteen Senses and that song from the old navy commercial.

Josh: Yeah, I can dig My Chemical Romance sometimes, when I’m in an art fag kind of mood. Alright darlin, tell me four random facts about you.

Emerald: Hmmm, hard to think of any you don’t already know about me. Why don’t we put a little twist on this one. You tell me four random fact about me that you don’t think I know about, or that you find funny or whatever. And then I’ll do the same for you when its my turn to ask you questions.

Josh: Ok, sounds good, let me ponder for a second.

Emerald: Haha, notice that with that arrangement i get more time to think. 😉

Josh: You like to pretend you don’t know I’m watching you on the webcam when you walk around your apartment and you put an extra little wiggle in your ass with every step.

Emerald: Haha, yeah maybe.  (blushing emoticon)

Josh: Maybe nothing, definitely. Let’s see, your pissy face turns me on, and you probably don’t realize it. (for clarification in editing I would like to change pissy face to pissed off face. No actual piss is involved)

Emerald: I had no idea. I love that

Josh: You contradict yourself because you want to come live in Dixie land in a trailer with me and be white trash, but you don’t feel comfortable wearing spandex pants in public.

Emerald: I still have class, thank you.

Josh: Don’t worry I’ll fix that. And one more, hmmmmmmm … Most women with an ass like yours would love thongs, but you somehow look even sexier in boy shorts.

Emerald: That is true, I don’t like thongs.

Josh: Alrighty well I guess it’s your turn to question me.

Emerald: Okay, I’m going to work backwards while the random things question is still fresh in my mind.

Josh: Uh, that screws up the whole order

Simultaneously: But OK, I guess. Ok Fine.

Simultaneously: No, I’ll do it proper. You can go backwards.

Emerald: Backwards brainsex. 😛 Okay, I’ll go backwards. Four random facts about you:
1) You still blush sometimes when you look at me.
2) You have fairly high arche.

Josh: I’m like Mcdonald’s

Emerald: I wouldn’t say so. I dated this one random dude once for about three weeks, but it never went anywhere, cause I wasn’t at all attracted to him. Anyways, he had really high arches to the point where it was actually considered a birth defect. It actually kind of grossed me out, but your feet I don’t mind. They’re just standard man feet.

Josh: So that’s not really a random fact, I’m just normal.

Emerald: Well it’s a fact that you have high arches, but not to the point where they would gross me out.
3) you really tend not to use emoticons at all in your IM conversations, or at least nowhere near to the extent I do.

Josh: Emoticons are only good for a few certain emotions, all the rest are gay.

(Long series of retarded emoticons)

Emerald: 4) when you’re drunk, you get really sloppy cute and romantic.

Josh: AW, I so totally do, I just feel things stronger when I’m drinking, and I’m less inhibited, and so I guess I express all the stuff I may hold back on when I’m sober.

Emerald: Yeah, well at least you don’t get in a pissy mood ever, cause then we’d have a problem. But I don’t mind you coming home and kissing my belly while prattling on about marriage and kids and the armoire you want to build me one day. I still don’t understand the armoire thing, but I think you building stuff would be awesome.

Josh: I get pissy sometimes too now, Don’t think I’m not super manly and won’t fight and cuss and talk mad shit at the bar now. I’m a bulletproof superman just like every other manly man when I drink, just not to you. And you need an armoire, for your shit, so that you can store it in something and have it … you know what, never mind, I’ll just build it and then you can decide if you want one or not. I’ll use it if you don’t want it, but I know how you women are with closet space

Emerald: Well okay, as long as you’re not pissy with me. And you can build me whatever you want, it’s an adorable man gesture. Anyways, four guilty pleasures.

Josh: OK, see now I have the same problem as you in that I have tons of pleasures that other people might feel guilty about, but I have no shame about. Like being dominated in bed. A lot of guys won’t let their women dominate them, cause it’s emasculating or some such nonsense, but I dig it, so let me think for a minute.

Emerald: W00t! I’d say expired yogurt, but that’s not really a guilty pleasure, just you not giving in to the idea that a government regulated body can tell you if food is good or not. Speaking of which, I’m all over some lemon pudding, brb, you keep thinking.

Josh:  1) – I’m OK with the idea of prostate stimulation, and that doesn’t make me gay, but I do feel somewhat guilty about it and therefore don’t share often.

Emerald: Haha, nice.

Josh: 2) – I hate homeless people, and I don’t really like babies, and I couldn’t give a fuck less about starving Africans. In fact, I don’t care about very many people other than myself. I mean I would stop and help like, an old lady with a flat tire, but if it’s not a female in trouble, and it’s not convenient, fuck the world.

3) – Chick peas are good, but could possibly be the faggiest food ever.

Emerald: Well as long as you’re cool with our kids. And dude, I fucking LOVE CHICK PEAS. I’ll eat them straight up, in salads, as falafels, as hummus, any which way at all.

Josh: 4) – Water World, possibly the best movie ever. I know it was retarded, but it was AWESOME!

Emerald: Niiiiiiiiiiiiice! It actually was kind of cool.

Josh: Kind of AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emerald: Okay, four things on your to-do list.

Josh: 1 – Emeralds various holes.
2 – Learn photoshop

Emerald: I so set myself up for that, didn’t i?  😛

Josh: 3 – get my legal problems solved
(yes you did, and I don’t take it back)
4 – more tattoos

Emerald: I think its very poignant that your to-do list is long term, and mine applies only to today (though the coat and boots will probably be next weekend)

Josh: Oh yeah, and try to get us together in the world so we aren’t doing these memes from 800 miles away, and we can change the name of the blog from 800 Miles to Right here right now.

Emerald: Yes, that should be number one, since you can’t do your current number one without taking care of that first.

Josh: Well don’t get used to it, poignancy is not my forte.

Emerald: No, but thinking long term is.

Josh: I was thinking long with number one too! Zing!

Emerald: That’s what she said. Okay, four things you did today.

Josh: 1 – I slept in, Sleeping a lot on Sunday is very important if you want to be happy and live a long life. People who do lots of shit on Sunday usually have cold vaginas full of sand and go through their weeks hoping for a comet to fall from the heavens and smite them from the face of the planet.

Emerald: I’m extremely productive on Sundays usually, but I’ll try not to wake you, and I’m sure you can attest to the fact that my vagina is not cold and/or sandy.

Josh: Waking me on Sunday often results in death. And no, but mine will be if you wake me up.

Emerald: I wouldn’t dream of it, unless it was with breakfast. And not before 10am, because who the hell wants breakfast in bed at 6am? That’s not breakfast in bed, that’s “honey, I’m about to tell you that I totaled that car, and now I’m going to wonder why you’re extra mad”

Josh: 2 – I ate some good food. Now I slept in too long and by the time I was getting up other people were in the midst of making breakfast, so it wasn’t as good as if I had got to make it myself, but still good home made food is one of the finer things in life.

Emerald: Yes, it is. I’m going on an autum soup craze this week.

Josh: 3 – I had some e-sex with my beautiful woman. That was pretty nice.

Emerald: Yeah, it was pretty sweet.

Josh: 4 – Beer! Even on the Lord’s day, beer is tasty and delicious. In fact it might even taste a little better with a light sprinkling of the blood of Jesus.

Emerald: Whack job. I still love you. and totally wish I had a beer right now.

Josh: I have a fridge literally full of beer, and you will too when you live with me.

Emerald: Dude, we’ve already had this conversation. Mini fridge, under microwave, under toaster oven.

Josh: Oh yeah, I almost forgot. We’re gonna have a mini kitchen in our mini bedroom.

Emerald: That’s right. Speaking of kitchen and perfect segues, why don’t you start typing this sucker up while I get some groceries, and then we’ll see how it looks when I get back?

Josh: Ok darlin, you have fun out there in the world. Try and pick up something besides soup and pasta.

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20 Comments

  1. QueenBitch said,

    October 19, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    OMG you guys are toooooooooo funny!!
    I love you two!!
    And josh, I never knew….. hehehhehehehe….

  2. CuriousC said,

    October 20, 2008 at 9:55 am

    TMI. (I read the whole thing?!)

    You have purple-brown hair?

  3. Lucky said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    holy shit…you two crack me up. Loved this :“honey, I’m about to tell you that I totaled that car, and now I’m going to wonder why you’re extra mad”

    🙂

  4. teeni said,

    October 20, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    I want to see the purple brown hair. There’s just so much going on in this post it’s hard to address it all in one comment. So I’ll just say it was a lot of fun to read about you two. 🙂 It’s nice to see a long distance love that is still burning brightly and shows no signs of fading.

  5. Josh said,

    October 20, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    Queenie: There’s a lot of things you may not know about me. Word on the street is that I’m a closet freak.

    Curious C: There is no such thing as TMI. There’s always just enough information. Think of us as both celebrities and TMZ all rolled into one convenient package.

    Lucky: I’m a grumpy bastard in the morning, and she knows that. She’s very good about letting me get my sleep when I need it. (which is often)

    Teenie: I also had no idea that Talea died her hair the same color as Emerald. I could have sworn it was blondie-er. But what the hell do I know, I’m a man. If I noticed hair that much I would be gay.

  6. kaylee said,

    October 20, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    I love this and unmmm, i might need to steal josh for a day 😉

  7. kaylee2 said,

    October 21, 2008 at 1:24 am

    Is e-sex like Email Sex?

  8. Josh said,

    October 21, 2008 at 1:32 am

    Kaylee: I probably shouldn’t be explaining this to you, but I figure I’m going to hell anyway so why not. We have webcams, so with the whole instant video thing we use our imaginations and try to have as much fun as we can from 800 miles away. Kind of like just the show, with no dinner, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. And Em told me about your donor, congratulations!

  9. Emerald said,

    October 21, 2008 at 1:46 am

    Oh wow, I’m so leaving this one in your capable hands, babe 😉 Haha! I’m too busy chugging this rad new soup I made. See internet people, sometimes I’m the one that’s busy! I’ll leave y’all with Josh and catch up with you later. Word!

  10. kaylee2 said,

    October 21, 2008 at 1:51 am

    Thank you josh. Wait, is Em, telling you all about my life 😉

    Its all fgood really. Now, wait you guys are 800 miles away but, married or do I have that wrong?.. Color me confused now.

  11. Josh said,

    October 21, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    Kaylee: Ha, Em has told me a little about you. Not too much though, don’t worry. Em and I have known each other for about a year, and have been dating a little over seven months. We aren’t married, but we are madly in love, and we are trying to get the funds together to move her down here so we can be together while I take care of some stuff that’s keeping me tied to the area. We are planning on getting married, but we’re not in any rush to jump in over our heads until we’re a little more stable.

  12. October 22, 2008 at 2:01 am

    Josh and Emerald;

    I love your dynamic…not in a let’s shoot a kinky threesome on celluloid kind of way, but I dig your vibe. You two not only love each other; you also like each other. I respect the ASS out of that.

    I’d admit that I’m a but jealous by that but I don’t look good in green.

    If I ever make it to North Carolina; and at this stage of my love life, that’s a big fucking IF (you see, my “manfriend” is in Raleigh but I’m very angry at him these days), we’re meeting for drinks.

    Lots of them.

    Best,.
    LK

  13. Josh said,

    October 22, 2008 at 2:12 am

    Wiggity word to your mother Laurie. Sorry about the male oriented frustrations. I won’t even make a joke about bitchy menstruation or anything. We’ll totally have to meet up for drinks if you ever head this way. And I’m totally stealing the manfriend word. I never like the idea of being a boyfriend. Screw that, not with giant cajones like mine.

  14. Talea said,

    October 22, 2008 at 2:46 am

    Emerald, if you ever wear spandex pants in public, consider our relationship finished. You might live in the land of spandex, but with your sophisticated Toronto knowledge, that won’t fly.
    Chickpeas are the shiznat.
    And dude, Josh is totally right…….wtf is up with my hair turning blondish?? I am NOT a blonde! We must remedy this post haste.

  15. Red said,

    October 22, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    you guys are too cute.

  16. markkrris said,

    October 23, 2008 at 9:55 am

    🙂 Check out this emo page for more!

  17. markkrris said,

    October 23, 2008 at 9:56 am

    Nice post. I agree 100%. here’s some more info on emo boys

  18. romi41 said,

    October 24, 2008 at 2:38 am

    hahahaha….you guys are frickin’ hilarious and awesome and cute…you’re my number-one aspirational online/real-life couple (I don’t know any other ones, but whatever 😉 )

    and: “People who do lots of shit on Sunday usually have cold vaginas full of sand and go through their weeks hoping for a comet to fall from the heavens and smite them from the face of the planet.”……haha…I need to start doing less things on Sunday…lol 😉

    PS: Em: I haven’t had a creamsicle in ages, but that shit got me through the childhood years 😉 (and I think I need to have one right now…lol)

  19. trishatruly said,

    October 24, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    Ain’t love great? I so want to hear that plans are underway for E. to get down there and MARRY YOU! (She will learn to embrace her spandex-wearin’ self in no time. Mark my words.)

  20. October 27, 2008 at 2:49 am

    “Water World” not near as bad as the critics said. I liked it. 😛 This was a great twist on this meme. Loved the team work and small talk. 😉


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