The recurring conversation with a man:
Dude: So your girlfriend lives in Canada? (said incredulously and with a hint of disdain)
Me: Yeah, she lives in Toronto.
Dude: So what the fuck is wrong with you man? You do know there’s a shit ton of pussy walking around right here? Why the fuck would you hook up with some chick in another country?
Me: I didn’t exactly plan it like that, it just kind of happened. I met her online and eventually fell in love with her, and that was that.
Dude: So how can you consider it a real relationship if you aren’t even getting your dick wet? I mean, at least tell me you’re getting some strange on the side. You can’t go that long without fuckin man, it’s not healthy. You gotta respect your dick.
Me: Nope, no tang on the side, sorry to let you down. My dick will be alright. Besides, I wasn’t exactly swimming in pussy before I met her. Although now that I think about it, chicks do seem to be much more available now that I’m not looking for them. That’s weird.
Dude: Fuck all that, you’re crazy man. Suckin’ ain’t fuckin’ and eatin’ ain’t cheatin’, you know what I mean. If she can’t take care of you like a woman should you should be able to get some love when you need it. Besides how do you know she isn’t fuckin around on you up there? What happens if you find out she’s been bangin some guy this whole time and you’re passing up pussy left and right. You’re gonna regret the fuck out of all those missed chances. Bitches will do that shit, it’s not just guys who are dogs. She’s probably stringin your dumb ass along getting just what she wants and you’re too fuckin stupid to realize it.
Me: Well I don’t really know that she isn’t fuckin around on me. But then again you don’t know what your old lady is doing when she isn’t with you. For all you know she could be out sucking dick right now. I’m not worried about it, I’ll handle myself, and if I find out she’s been banging someone else I’ll deal with that when I have to. I trust her, she’s a good girl. And suckin is fuckin, eatin is cheatin, just so you know.
Dude: Aw hell no! If she’s not slinging pussy your way, you should get it where you can.
Me: So if you go on a week long trip to the beach, does that mean your woman can go fuck whoever she wants?
Dude: No way! But that’s not the point. Listen I know this chick you would love. She’s good lookin, and she has had a hard time finding good men. She just attracts scumbags. And she’s got a ton of money. She’s real thick like you like them. She could take good care of you man, trust me, you could land that. Come out this weekend, I’ll introduce you two. She’s got a kid, but a real nice house. You could probably stay there.
Me: She’s morbidly obese isn’t she? Why can’t she find a good man of her own?
Dude: No no no no, man, She’s a little bigger, but pretty in the face. She just attracts the wrong kind of guys.
Me: Yeah, like the kind of guy who would cheat on his girlfriend to sleep with a single mother with low self esteem due to her weight who habitually allows men to walk all over her and use her for money and a place to stay?
Dude: …. …. Whatever man, you’re a good guy. You could treat her right. I just can’t see how you can be in a relationship with some bitch on the other side of the planet who you aren’t even fucking.
Me: Don’t worry about my cock, I have everything under control. And besides, I already have my hands full with one woman, I sure as shit don’t need another.
The recurring conversation with a chick:
Chick: So you’re dating a girl from Canada?
Me: Yeah, we’ve been talking for ten months, and together for five.
Chick: Awwwwwww. That’s so sweet. I bet you miss her all the time don’t you?
Me: Yes, all the time. It’s rough some days, knowing she’s out there but I can’t be with her.
Chick: So she came down for a visit right? How long until you get to see her again?
Me: I don’t know, at least six months, possible years. There’s too many variables for me to put a solid estimate on it.
Chick: Oh my God! So you’re not gonna have sex for six months or more? That’s insane! (cocks head to the side) Are you really gonna wait that whole time?
Me: I’ll wait as long as it takes.
Chick: That is so, oh my God, just so romantic! You must really be in love. She’s lucky to have a guy like you. (beginning to flirt) You know my boyfriend just moved away. I just couldn’t stay with him in an exclusive relationship. I couldn’t go that long without the sexual aspect. Even if it’s not serious I just like having someone there to hold me at night, and take care of me when I need sex. (seriously hustling that pussy, batting eyes, brushing my arm, etc)
Me: Uh … yeah, being alone is definitely frustrating. But I have to keep my eyes on the prize. It took me my whole life to find someone who fit me right, and loved me as much as I loved them. I wouldn’t give that up for all the temporary affection in the world.
Chick: (getting the point) That is so sweet. I really hope you two find all the love you are looking for.
Men don’t understand how I could seriously date a girl I am not fucking every night. Even men who are married and in love. Even men with long term relationships. It’s apparently too much to wrap around their minds. They don’t understand why I would not have guilt free sex on the side when there’s no chance of it getting back to my woman. I guess they don’t understand that I found something so great it transcends sex. Something worth sacrificing everything else for. Something worth saving for. Something worth fighting for. If I just wanted pussy I wouldn’t be in a serious relationship to begin with.
Women seem to want what they can’t have. They see a man who loves a girl so much he’s willing to stay essentially alone for an undetermined amount of time in the hopes that everything will work out alright in the end. And somehow all that lip gloss and jewelry crosses the wires in their head to where they think they can just snatch that for themselves. They don’t understand that if they could succeed in stealing me away from my true love for a night they would not be getting the very thing they find so attractive. And they don’t understand that I want something so much more than a brief passion and a warm body in the morning.
It’s hard defending this thing I call love every day. It’s hard trying to explain to people how I feel when they so obviously are in a completely different place in life. But when all is said and done, I know what I have, and I know what it’s worth. I know that no matter what I have to do to get it, everything will be worth the sacrifice. I still want to fuck every hot bitch I meet at a party. I wanted too before I fell in love, and my dick didn’t stop magically working overnight. I still find tons of girls attractive. I still have needs. The difference is that now I found the pussy to end all pussies. The everlasting gobstopper of love and affection. And if I play my cards right, I’ll have something head and shoulders above the trysts that continually left me feeling more alone than before I had a stranger in my arms. The difference is that now I want to wake up to the same face for the rest of my life. And I found the face I want.
Plus VD is a bitch and I hate condoms, but whatever, all that other shit sounded more romantic.