Here’s Your Sign

So it’s just about ten at night on a Tuesday. Josh is sleeping after a hard days work in the sun, and I’m feeling rather quiet. I was feeling melancholy, but I’m getting better at not letting my brain go down the wrong roads. Last night wasn’t so great, and I ended up losing my temper and breaking a glass. Actually, I did manage to control my “I really want to flip over a table” frustrated freakout long enough to pick a plastic cup instead of something that would shatter into a million inconvenient pieces, but it turns out I managed to crack it in half anyways. I know, I know, I’m working on it. Tonight I’m just quiet, and a little more patient.

What’s pissing me off so much? MSN. That’s it. Or maybe it’s not even messenger, maybe it’s my internet connection. Maybe it’s my provider, or maybe this fancy ass new computer still isn’t up to snuff enough to get a decent video going. I realize that I might sound like a modern spoiled “but I can’t live without my blackberry!” snot. I don’t own a blackberry. The point is this: I didn’t even have internet at home prior to about six months ago. I had internet sitting in front of me all day at work, what do you mean pay for it? The only reason I plugged in my domicile was because I missed Josh in the evenings, and staying so late at work was getting ridiculous. So it’s getting really frustrating that the one damn thing I need a computer and internet connection for simply refuses to work properly. Holy fuck cosmos, you’ve already planted the love of my life 800 miles away, and now I’m not even allowed to see him? GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Yes, I realize my predecessors waited weeks and months for overseas letters, but I’m going to be in that boat soon enough when Josh goes to jail (except it’s a lake, and I presume even outbound prison mail doesn’t take months to be delivered). And my predecessors didn’t fork over money for a device advertising its ability to enhance communication. It’s one thing if I can’t see my boyfriend because he’s behind bars. It’s one thing if we can’t chat because he’s just so tired and I’d rather him have a nap and feel better. It’s another thing all together when our webcams don’t work or we randomly go offline. Yes, I know he’s still on the other side of that screen, and even if it was working he’s sleeping. That’s not the point.

Maybe it’s my hyper driven corporate side, but if I’m paying for a computer, an internet connection, or a waffle iron for all I care, it should just fucking work. I gave you money and time, why do I have to deal with your incompetence?

Why can’t shit just fucking work? Ever?!? 

My dad’s reminder that the computer is in fact NOT a physical entity out to get me was surprisingly helpful. Because I honestly forget that sometimes; that plastic cup had to nerve to be in the way of my frustrated flinging hands. And Josh is the best thing in the world for my crazies. He’s like concentrated awesome and happy in a goatee, and he’s patient with me even when I’m a snarky bitch for no reason other than I’m mad at not being able to see him (which I *realize* makes no sense, welcome to being a chick). So overall I’m feeling better.

The internet is being shitty again tonight. But I’m nowhere near as pissed because I know eventually we’ll figure out a way to get it working, and eventually we won’t need it anyways. And Josh isn’t on the other side of the computer with his fingers crossed hoping for all the ones and zeroes to line up, he’s sleeping like he should be.

That and a few other things. Every now and then, no matter how frustrated or pissy I get, something lines up just right and I’m reminded that I’m still on the right path and all I need to do is be patient. Like the other night.  I was going to tell Josh about this, but I keep forgetting because we always get caught up talking about something else awesome and important. So instead I’ll let him stumble upon this story on his own and brighten his day a bit. He was listening to Brooks and Dunn last Friday night, a song all about hard working blue collar men like himself. We were in a great mood, even though he was packing up to go camping for the weekend and we wouldn’t be able to talk for a day or so. That’s a long time for us. We usually leave our webcams on overnight so we can chat first thing in the morning before he leaves for work at quarter to six, so having a blank computer screen as the late shows came on was a little disheartening. I turned on The Hour, my hip and urban “Jon-Stewart-Meets-60-Minutes” type interview show, and favourite bedtime background noise. That night’s guests? Brooks and Dunn.

In appropriate redneck fashion, I will quote Jeff Foxworthy: Heeeeeeeere’s your sign.


  1. July 30, 2008 at 5:42 am

    Crappy internet connections totally suck ass. I should know, I’m the king of crappy internet connections. Being on the road makes it harder to get connected and harder to stay connected, so I feel your pain and frustration, but I can see where it would frustrate you more. It’s coming between you and your hunka hunka burnin’ redneck love. 😛 I hope you get that all straitened out soon. 😉

  2. Josh said,

    July 31, 2008 at 2:06 am

    Quit telling people I’m patient and understanding and shit, jeez! Maybe I’m just nice to you when you’re difficult because you have such a swwet rack and such a plump ass? Did you ever think of that? I might not be a nice guy at all, maybe I’m just horny!

    That is a really cool sign though, (and song) and even though I absolutely don’t believe in shit like that, I know you do darlin, and I’ll take what I can get when it comes to outside help getting beautiful women to fall in love with me. 😉

  3. Emerald said,

    July 31, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    @ Peter: they do suck ass! though it looks like it’s msn more than the internet though, cause even on josh’s end it’s just randomly crapping out. and i can’t bitch about it, cause it’s not like i paid for it or anything. grrrrrr.

    @ Josh: well, it’s not like i’m all “oh my god, brooks and dunn, the cosmos are smiling upon me, oh happy day!” i just think it’s a well timed coincidence that makes me smile a bit and reminds me that i’ve got something good going on. but “heeeeeeeeeere’s your reminder” doesn’t have quite the same ring.

  4. David said,

    August 2, 2008 at 12:50 am

    Fucking tech shit never fucking works right and when it’s at the mercy of web traffic FOR-FUCKING-GET IT!!

    Guess we’ll just all have to wait for fucking WEB 3.0!

  5. romi41 said,

    August 3, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    ya..I know exactly what you mean…I often think of the “well in the olden days it was a lot worse so I shouldn’t complain angle”…like if I don’t have my car for a day and I have to take a bus to get to the train station (oh poor me 😉 ), but you’re right; if I pay for this shit and the advertised technology makes a claim, it should deliver!

    Anyhoo, carry on lovebirds, I like living vicariously 😉

  6. Emerald said,

    August 4, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    @ David: Seriously, how retarded is it that we can’t get one form of technology right before we try and plow ahead with the latest shiny version. Oh, and on that note, dear Microsoft: instead of putting out new operating systems with a whole bunch of little additional things to fix all all the broken shit in your last version, why don’t you just fix the broken shit? Or remove it. That’ll do nicely, thanks.

    @ Romi: I know! I don’t care if I’m kicking a shit fit over an apple peeler or something else equally unnecessary. If I don’t do what I’m supposed to, I get fired and/or evicted. Thusly, objects that don’t do what they’re supposed to get flung against the wall. Because clearly they…made a conscious decision…to thwart me…? Right, that sounds totally sane.

    Anyways, I enjoy being lived through vicariously, so carry on as well 😛

  7. David said,

    August 5, 2008 at 11:59 pm

    It’s really retarded!! Like SUPER RETARDED! And I make my living off of untangling some of this shit. That’s why one of the props in my office is a hamster wheel, with Homer and Marge Simpson Pez dispensers standing guard.

  8. Billy said,

    August 24, 2008 at 5:48 am

    I have soooo much to catch up on! I’ll be right back! 😉

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